There is Nothing as Whole as a Broken Heart | Just Trying to Reconnect

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There are 304,805 letters that comprise of a sefer Torah. It's true the Zoar points out that there are actually, Shishim Ribo, 600,000 letters, but if you look in the Sefer Tara and do the count, there's only 304,805. How that number fits with the 600,000 from the Tsar, there are answers and different approaches. You have to maybe count the vowels, maybe you have to count the white space around the letters. There are different approaches. Be it as it may, you know, our sages point out a fascinating thing, and that is the beginning and the end of the Torah are connected. It's true, there's a long space between the two, but the end and the beginning are connected. In fact, at the end of Parshas Vizos Abrach, which is the last of all of the Parshis of the Torah, it ends with the word Yisral. It says, he throws the Luchos and he shatters the tablets. And Hashem says, Yasher Kach, you did the right thing. And that was done before the eyes of all of the Jewish people, Eine kol Yisrel. The final letter of the entire Torah is a Lamed. The first letter we know is a Baze from Baratius. Those two letters are not random, they're not arbitrary. Lamid and Baez spells Laiv. The Torah tells us, right, or the Pasik says, Vitaher li bainu la of decha bemes, that we're meant to serve God with truth, with realness, with authenticity. Those four words, that we should be pure. Our heart should be pure to serve God truthfully and honestly. That those four letters, the the the Roshitabos spells Lulav. Lo Lev to him is the heart. The whole Avoida, the whole tacos, our purpose here is for us to connect to God, not in just some fake way of dotting the I's and crossing the T's and just you know, lip service and just doing, going through the motions. It has to be much more than that. Going through it with emotions, with feeling, with hearts, with with our leif. Lo lef, lulav, to him is our heart. And the entire Torah is encapsulated by a lef, by lamed at the end, by bays at the beginning. But if you think about it, it's not just any heart, it's a broken heart. Because there are, if there are 304,805 letters in the Torah, that means that the Lamed and the Bays, the beginning and end of the Torah, are separated by 304,803 letters. You can't get a bigger broken heart than that. And that maybe is the point. Because if let's true, what David Amalh says, and it is true, Kara Nishbari Lev, God is close to those who are brokenhearted. And Zifchelokin ruach Nishbara Lev Nishbar, the true sacrifice to Hashem is this brokenheartedness, then this is something that we have to tap into. And the whole Torah is one big broken heart, filled with stories, ups and downs, trials and tribulations, good times and bad times, mitzvos, stor there's fill it's filled with so much, and all of this points to a life of living BMS, living with truth, living with realness and authenticity. That yes, there's going to be times of of Helikite, times of tremendous holiness and tapping into the realm of clarity and light and or, and there's going to be times of chosen darkness, but this is all part and parcel of the creations for us to be real, for us to be genuine. And that's what a broken heart is. A lave nishbar, a broken heart means genuineness, it means humble authenticity. Rabbi Nachmin in Sikh Saran, he tells us there's a big difference between depression, sadness, which is what we call atzvus, and brokenheartedness, which is what we call, what we've said, is Lave Nishmar Nishbar. What's the difference? Says Rabin Ahmed, depression is in the realm of anger and rage. It's like a person complaining complaining against Hashem for not fulfilling a person's wishes. A broken heart, however, is very different. He says, like a baby crying and distressed. Why? Al Avi. It's because he feels distant. He feels that his father is far away. He feels like he's distant, and therefore he's yearning to come closer. And that longing creates closeness right here, right now. The distance that a person feels after they're in a state of darkness, the distance a person feels, because he longs for connection, because he longs for truth. He longs to connect to others. That feeling of longing actually creates a tremendous focus of earnestness, of honesty, a tremendous focus of lulove, of low leaf, of here's my heart. You have me. Not just my emotions, but my emotions. And I wonder, I was thinking about this. You know, I recently wrote about this topic. And at the the heading, the title, I began the I began the writing process with the title. Sometimes I begin the writing process when I'm writing with a title. And sometimes, you know, the title comes at the end. And so today I specifically wanted to write about this topic of a broken heart. And so I began with the quote from the Kutzgareba, who said that Aimdavar Shalem Mile Shavur, there's nothing as complete, there's nothing as whole as a broken heart. So I began the title of the page, nothing as whole as a broken heart. But I was stuck, I was looking at the carrot. You know what the carrot? C-A-R-E-T, that little cursor that blinks. And I I had the title. I wrote Bay Samahdala, Bisyata Dishmaya, asking God for assistance. And it was, I was just staring at the blame computer screen on Google Docs, trying to think how am I going to express this brokenheartedness? Like what is it? Is it good? Is it bad? Is it how how do I write it in a concept, in a way that connects? And I kid you not, I'm looking at the screen, and all of a sudden the area where I'm where I'm working on writing this, we lost um, we lost the internet connection. And so for a single moment, for about five seconds, a little pop-up appeared on my screen right above the Google Docs logo, right above the title that said nothing as whole as a broken heart. And it was a pop-up that said trying to reconnect. It was obviously the internet trying to reconnect. And a few moments later, as quickly as it came, it went away. And I realized something. Maybe, maybe that's really how we can define a Lavnishbar broken heart. You want to know how to define a broken heart? We've mentioned humble authenticity. Broken heart, what what is it? It's not just a symbol of a heart which doesn't actually look like a heart with a jagged line breaking it in two. There's so much more than that. A broken heart is it means this. It means trying to reconnect. It means a person who's feeling distant and he longs for connection. He longs for closeness. And that longing, that distance actually creates ultimate connection. That's what it means to be a Laiv Nishbar. The entire Torah is one big Laiv Nishbar. It's one big broken heart. It starts with base and ends with a lamid. It's lath. But in between there are 304,803 letters. And there's stories and there's ups and there's downs and there's trials and tribulations, there's good times, there's bad times, there's r, there's chosek, there's all of it. But what emerges is a life of authenticity. The Basai teaches that the numerical value of Yisrael is the same as R and Khoshech, light and darkness, because this is the Jewish people. The Jewish people find a way to emit light amidst the darkness, not just to see light at the end of the tunnel, but even in their state of difficulty, even in a state of struggle, even within an exile and a gullus in a diaspora where we currently are. Even there, a person can find a light, they can find meaning, they can find purpose, they could long for closeness, for connection. Vitaili Bainu la ofcha, beems, roshetos, the first letters of those words, like we mentioned, spells lulov, low lave to him is our heart. Yes, we're meant to live with a broken heart, to be real, to be authentic, to be genuine, to be wanting and striving for closeness and connection. I hope, my prayer is that we should all be Zoha, we should all merit to live, not just by going through the emotions, but living with emotions, not just crossing the T's and dotting the I's, but by living with our heart, living with our live. And and that realizing that like David Amalach said, like King David said, Zivchelokim Ruach Nishbar Laiv Nishbar, that's the ultimate sacrifice. Anyone could bring a karban, everyone could bring an offering, could pay this amount of money or a little bit of money, etc. You could bring things, you could bring stuff, but ultimately what Hashem wants is you. Don't forget that. The ultimate thing that Hashem wants is you, and that's what we should all be willing to do in our service of the divine on our personal level, whatever we can today, right now, focus on this moment of this day, right here, right now, and really and ask yourself this question: How can I live right now with honesty? Am I being authentic? Am I being real? Am I presenting myself with something that's fake? Stone-heartedness, just involving egoic um wills and wants, or am I willing to be a little bit soft, willing to look within and live with a leavenish part, a broken heart? Like the Rebbe of Kutsk said, there is nothing as whole as a broken heart. Wishing you an amazing rest of your day.